Greetings friends! We hope your year is off to a great start. I spent some time traveling on a speaking tour in January and in February. It is always a wonderful opportunity to meet the many souls who are so in need of our prayers and our ministry. We shared the joy of purity with over 1200 youth, young adults and parents on the East Coast and assisted one of our Speaker Duos with a speaking engagement in There are oftentimes bright eyes & big smiles following a presentation, but there are also a few faces that reflect the deep wounds of sexual sin. One young woman in particular approached me in tears after a recent talk I delivered. She expressed her struggle in trying to live the virtue of chastity. She and her boyfriend dated throughout high school and were able to remain chaste. When they left for college however, temptation won over and they began to sleep together. During this time, she became pregnant and they decided to raise the child together.
To their surprise however, they found that the child was not “theirs”, but only “hers & someone else’s.” She was baffled because she hadn’t been with anyone else. She now believes that an acquaintance had slipped a date drug into her drink and that she had conceived her child through rape. She shared that because she and her boyfriend had sex, their trust was broken and he did not believe what had happened to her. She remains heart-broken and is having a hard time forgiving her aggressor. Her pregnancy, she says, is the best thing that has ever happened to her, because it brought her out of a destructive lifestyle.
These tears, this story, and this beautiful young woman is the reason we continue to do what we do, as we invite others to join in sharing the joy of purity. Please pray for this young woman, and for the many others in need of healing and strength following a struggle to live chastely. Thanks to those of you who generously donate your time and talent to join us in this mission. It takes a team.
On another note, I mentioned last month that we intend to pay special attention to a particular subject in each of our e-newsletter issues this year. As we leave February behind, and enter into the Lenten Season, we emphasize special contemplation on the meaning of love. This issue focuses on the central role of the family -- the school of love. You will also find thoughts on a typical question concerning love, featured speakers who teach that chastity = love, and an introduction to the Chariots of Fire Chastity Missionary Program, which spreads the fire of pure love which glows from the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Enjoy!
-Angela
The Family's Essential Role
Church, Society Upholding the Rights of Marriage
By Father John Flynn, LC
A recent study in
By contrast, and regardless of whether or not there are children, the average post-divorce income for women falls by more than a fifth, and is adversely affected for a number of years.
According to the report by the Observer the survey carried out by Jenkins is the first long-term study of income and marriage breakdowns.
Jenkins found that the poverty rate among divorced women is 27%, almost three times higher compared to their former spouses.
Economic penalties are not the only disadvantages associated with divorce. An Australian study published last year found that the emotional and social impact of divorce makes itself felt for decades afterwards, reported the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper July 10.
A research team headed by David de Vaus, of La Trobe University in
Those divorced not only suffered trauma in the initial years following the end of their marriage, but they were also more likely to feel they lacked someone to confide in, and they were less satisfied with their home and health.
Vital
Benedict XVI recently affirmed the importance of the family for society in his message sent to the participants in the recitation of the rosary during the 6th World Day of Families meeting held in
During his video message on Jan. 17 the Pontiff said the family is a "vital cell of society."
"Because of its essential role in society, the family has a right to have its proper identity recognized that is not to be confused with other forms of coexistence," the Pope explained.
As a result Benedict XVI asked that the family based on the marriage of a man and a woman receive a sufficient level of legal, financial and social support.
The social importance of family life is not just something affirmed by the Church. Jennifer Roback Morse, a former research fellow at Stanford University's Hoover Institution, and currently a research fellow at the Acton Institute for the Study of Religion and Liberty, recently published a second edition of her book "Love and Economics" (Ruth Institute Books).
One of the books sections is entitled, "Why There is No Substitute for the Family." The family is irreplaceable not only in the sense that the two parents of a child play a unique role in its life, but also because the very institution of the family has no effective substitute.
Morse affirmed that the primary role of the family is relational. Clearly, some families carry out this task better than others, but no other institution does this better than the family, she argued.
Not optional
The fact that some families fail should not lead us to the conclusion that the family as an institution is merely optional, according to Morse.
"If we can hold the family together at the individual and personal level, we would have less need for grand schemes to replace the family at a societal level," Morse affirmed.
Morse summarized the findings of a number of studies that document the adverse results of children brought up in single-parent families: poverty; lower educational results; and behavioral problems.
The task of raising children is simply too much for a single parent, said Morse. Moreover, other possible variations, such as cohabitation and stepfathers do not provide the same advantages as a family based on the two biological parents of the children.
The role of a father is more than just economic, Morse continued. His contribution to the moral development of children is something that society is guilty of largely ignoring, she accused.
"The real question is not whether men and women are different but how the difference allows each to contribute something unique to the moral development of children," said Morse.
Commenting on the sweeping changes in moral norms and sexual habits in the last few decades, Morse noted that the changes unleashed in the 60s and 70s promised happiness and fulfillment through unlimited freedom. With the experience of hindsight Morse said that we can now conclude that the ability to sustain commitments is a gift that will bring deeper happiness and satisfaction.
"A great many adults are now ready to relearn whatever they can about lifelong marriage, for their own benefit as well as for the benefit of their children," she concluded.
Freedom has its limits, Morse argued in the concluding chapter of the book. Every generation is not free to redefine the family and its obligations. Some virtues and obligations are indispensable, said Morse.
Foundation
A similar view was expressed by Cardinal Seán Brady, archbishop of
The theme of his speech was, "The Family as the Foundation of Society." The family based on marriage as the foundation of society is a truth revealed by God in the Scriptures, said Cardinal Brady, but it also one of the most precious human values, he added.
The welfare of marriage and the family are of public interest, the cardinal argued, and are fundamental to the common good. They are, therefore, entitled to special consideration and care from the state.
"Other relationships whether they are sexual or not, are the result of private interest," he explained. "They do not have the same fundamental relationship to the good of society and to the bringing up of children as the family based on marriage," Cardinal Brady maintained.
By asking that the family based on marriage is worthy of support from the state the cardinal clarified that the intention is not to penalize those who have chosen different types of relationships.
"It is rather to uphold the principle that the family based on marriage between a man and woman is so intimately connected to the good of society that it is deserving of special care and protection," he said.
Commitment
"The link between a public commitment to life-long marriage, and the stability of the family unit, as well as the distinct role of a mother and father in the generation and education of children, gives marriage a unique and qualitatively different relationship to society than any other form of relationship," Cardinal Brady pointed out.
The family is an indispensable foundation for society, affirmed Benedict XVI in his video message during the Jan. 18 concluding mass of the World Meeting of Families.
"We have received life from others, which is developed and matured with the truths and values that we learn in relation and communion with the rest," he explained.
"It is in the home where one learns to truly live, to value life and health, liberty and peace, justice and truth, work, concord and respect," said the Pope. A truth valid for all cultures and societies.
© Innovative Media, Inc.
Reprinting
Featured Speaker: Michele and Dan Flemming
Dan and Michele are a modern couple who have lived through the challenges of living a chaste life in today’s culture. Their honest and frank approach provides a powerful message of compassion and redemption.
Dan and Michele Fleming are trained marriage preparation facilitators and they speak extensively to both adults and teens on chastity, relationships, and finding true love. Dan is a sales manager in the IT industry, and Michele is a PhD student in a Clinical Psychology program that integrates Christian spirituality with studies in both Theology and Marriage/Family issues. She is also a member of the Christian Association of Psychological Studies. Their interactive format and information based on current research in human relations provide a unique experience for both teen and adult audiences.
Michele is also a host for “St. Joseph Radio Presents,” a weekly EWTN radio broadcast heard nationally on local and Satellite stations. Michele served as the Director of Young Adult Ministry for the Diocese of San Diego, where her role was to evangelize and develop programming to help build the local faith community. She has worked as a consultant for the Diocese of San Diego and the Archdiocese of Los Angeles.
Ask Angela
How do you know if someone loves you?
We could write an entire book on the subject. This issue, we will focus on two simple elements of authentic love: trust and sacrifice. So, how do you know if someone loves you? Because they tell you! Yes, they may express their love by saying “I love you” with words, but more importantly, they tell you with their actions. If you are in an exclusive relationship, and your special someone cheats on you, they do not love you. They may have the desire to love you, but their actions are not following through. Trust and fidelity are essential building blocks of love. This is why marital infidelity is so painful. If you are dating someone who has cheated, it’s time to break it off. If you are married to this person, it is time to begin the process of healing, seek counseling to work through the problems that led to infidelity in the first place, and unite in the power of prayer. As an unmarried couple, emotions may drive you to want to stick around in hopes of better times. As a married couple, emotions may drive you to run away in response to the reality of the shame and betrayal. In either case, emotions are not leading you in the right direction. Love is a decision.
Pope John Paul the Great once said (and I’ll paraphrase), “A man truly loves a woman to the degree that he feels responsible for her.” Of course, this applies to love originating from either gender. This is why a real test of romantic love is not an emotional high or the chemistry we have with someone. This is certainly nice, but the true test is to what degree someone is willing to sacrifice themselves for the good of the other. I have a good friend whose father passed away several years ago. Her parents were married for nearly fifty years. Her mother spent twenty of those years caring for her bed-ridden husband. He, of course KNEW that he was loved. Self-sacrifice is a telltale sign of love.
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